What does ‘narcissistic bonds’ mean, and are you experiencing this?
Modern dating
When we enter a new relationship, we like the excitement, including the butterflies in our stomach, and the anticipation of the good times ahead. ‘Could this be it'?’ we ask ourselves…The big L.O.V.E?
Today the dating scene is complex. Society is complex Life is complex. Research shows that more and more people are now jaded when it comes to finding love. In 2022, a US study found that four in five adults ‘experienced some degree of emotional fatigue’ from online dating and research conducted by Hinge found that 61% of their users find the modern dating process ’overwhelming’.
Narcissistic bonds
So, when we do fall for that person and they seem to reciprocate it, we are hooked. Sadly, sometimes, the other person’s intentions are not the same as yours. It has been reported that 1 in 6 people are narcissists. Narcissistic bonds are complex, often painful connections that form between a narcissist and their target. These relationships are characterised by manipulation, control, and emotional abuse, leaving the victim feeling trapped and undermined. Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic bonds is crucial for recognising the signs, protecting yourself, and ultimately breaking free from these toxic relationships. When we. see. the red flags, we shouldn’t ignore them.
A healthy relationship dynamic is about mutual love, respect, support and involves elevating each other. The relationship dynamic in a narcissistic bond is where one person seeks to dominate and control another. Narcissists are driven by a need for admiration and lack empathy, making them prone to exploit others for their own gain. These bonds are built on manipulation, charm, and deceit, creating a cycle of abuse that can be difficult to escape. Once they have hooked you in, you begin the toxic cycle and will feel emotionally and mentally exhausted.
Some characteristics to watch out for
1. Idealisation and devaluation - Narcissists often start relationships with intense flattery and attention, making their target feel special and valued (idealisation phase). However, this is followed by a period of devaluation, where the narcissist begins to criticise, belittle, and manipulate their partner.
2. Gaslighting - A common tactic used by narcissists, gaslighting involves making the victim doubt their own reality, memories, and sanity. This form of psychological manipulation can leave the target feeling confused and powerless.
3. Control and isolation - Narcissists seek to control every aspect of their partner's life, often isolating them from friends and family. This isolation increases the victim's dependency on the narcissist and reduces their ability to seek support.
4. Intermittent reinforcement - Narcissists may alternate between periods of affection and abuse, creating a cycle of hope and despair. This intermittent reinforcement makes it difficult for the victim to leave, as they hold on to the hope that things will improve.
Signs of a narcissistic bond
1.Criticism - If you find yourself constantly criticised or belittled, it may be a sign of a narcissistic bond. Narcissists use criticism to undermine their partner's self-esteem and sense of worth.
2. Feeling trapped - Victims of narcissistic bonds often feel trapped and unable to leave the relationship. This feeling of entrapment can be emotional, financial, or psychological.
3. Loss of identity -Narcissistic bonds can erode the victim's sense of self, leaving them feeling like a shell of their former self.
4> Walking on eggshells – If you constantly feel like you have to be careful about what you say or do to avoid upsetting your partner, you may be in a narcissistic bond.
Breaking free
1. Acknowledging the problem - The first step in breaking free from a narcissistic bond is acknowledging that you are in a toxic relationship. Understanding the dynamics at play can help you see the situation more clearly. This is a really difficult step to take at first, particularly with the level of gaslighting and deceit that usually takes place. Self-doubt overshadows this, but when you break through to this point and admit this to yourself (which is hard) you begin to take control of the situation.
2. Establish boundaries - Setting clear boundaries with the narcissist can help protect your emotional and mental well-being. Be firm and consistent in enforcing these boundaries.
3. Seek support - Reach out to trusted friends, family members. For support. Talking about your experiences will help you immensely and help you decide the next steps.
4. Self-care - Prioritise your own well-being by engaging in activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental health. Self-care is essential for rebuilding your sense of self and resilience.
5. Educate yourself - Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and the tactics used by narcissists. Knowledge is power and can help you recognise and resist manipulation.
Narcissistic bonds are deeply damaging relationships that can leave lasting scars on the victim. By understanding the characteristics and tactics of narcissists, recognising the signs of a narcissistic bond, and taking steps to protect yourself, you can break free from these toxic relationships and begin the journey toward healing and recovery.
You deserve to be in a relationship that is based on mutual respect, empathy, and genuine care.